just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
