this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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