It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think my fart just growled at me.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
