what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
