Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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