after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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