You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
