so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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