Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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