The maid of honor just puked.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
