I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
