I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
