just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize