apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
