Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
