Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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