I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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