Sober January is a disaster.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
