I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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