First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
