he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
