Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
