it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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