We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
