he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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