Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
