So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
