The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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