hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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