stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
