bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
