textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
