i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My bed smells like the plague
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