I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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