I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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