This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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