Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
