No stitches, just platelets and will power
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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