i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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