I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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