The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
