I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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