I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
