he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
