Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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