I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
