omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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