I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
