Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
