Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
