I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
