It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
