it was like eating out sand paper
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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