every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
