it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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