just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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