in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
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Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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