me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
