did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
