You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
