The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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