I think my vagina is haunted
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
