My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
