If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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