She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
