pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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