Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
