I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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