Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
