is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
