i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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