I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
