capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
